Chuckle, giggle or laugh out loud... as long as these funny quotes can make you smile, then I’m happy too. Read on!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.
The trouble with quotes about death is that 99.999 percent of them are made by people who are still alive.
Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back.
Few cases of eye strain have been developed by looking on the bright side of things.
I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.
I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I
knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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